It was an enormous relief to just accept the legality and correctness of what happened - that freed me from a morass of Catch 22s and confusion. I just want to heal my wounds and get on with my life.
Oh, and one more thing: I want to find out if I really do have freedom of choice and freedom of thought and expression in the Health Services when it comes to Freud's theories.
My current GP works closely with the psychiatric area supervisor (PAT) and the GP who was supervised into Marthaing me until I was forced to stay away from the health services for years. And I'm afraid of being Marthaed again. (IMO, it's fear and not paranoia when it has happened before.)
So I want to request a meeting with the doctors and the county arbitration council to ...
> ask why the "borderline psychosis" diagnosis that PAT and Old GP set without telling me has disappeared from my file, and to ask when it vanished. (The "without telling me" is not an issue, as I can't prove it.)
> say that I accept that I was treated legally and psychotherapeutically correctly from a Freudian viewpoint. And I don't insist on agreement that the treatment harmed me, but I evoke the right to think and say so, and I want to suggest to PAT and Old MD that we agree to disagree on this issue.
> check if PAT is capable of understanding the concept "agree to disagree". I haven't seen any signs of it so far.
> check if PAT is capable of seeing the process I have described in "The child who refuses to die" as a rational alternative to being helped by him to realize that I had "a sexual relationship with a priest".
> ask why PAT and Old MD dismissed what I said about my functionality as fantasies without asking if I could prove what I said. (It seems to be legal to override provable information with psychiatric "realities" without fact checking, so that is not an issue. I just want to know why)
It is a huge relief to finally have seen arbitration as an alternative to discussions about whether PAT is right or I am crazy (and yes, the double bind is intentional), and at the same time a lump of inner anxiety is telling me that arbitration and psychiatry might not be compatible.
Does anyone know if this is a viable alternative? Any information or experiences would be very welcome.
Feb 18th: rewritten for clarity