MARCH:
I see unwritten Christmas cards.
And I think: There they are.
I see thick layers of dust.
And I think: There they are
I see woods I can walk in.
And I think: There they are
I see mountains of clutter.
And I think: There they are
Everything is THERE.
Where I am not.
I am here.
Sinking into my life.
Accepting what I find there.
Not-achieving is the greatest achievement.
APRIL:
A year ago I began
And I think: There they are.
I see thick layers of dust.
And I think: There they are
I see woods I can walk in.
And I think: There they are
I see mountains of clutter.
And I think: There they are
Everything is THERE.
Where I am not.
I am here.
Sinking into my life.
Accepting what I find there.
Not-achieving is the greatest achievement.
APRIL:
A year ago I began
to move into my life.
And my body.
Millimeter by millimeter.
Not with pressure and will power.
With confidence and permission.
Confidence in Resistance.
Permission to be aware of Resistance.
Resistance knows that I notice.
And relaxes.
A little.
I began to allow my fear of death to surface.
Allow the thoughts and fears that Resistance hides
in my many millimeters of body tissue.
Allow the tiny, frail reactions that fear has hidden.
Millimeter by millimeter,
three millimeters forwards and two back,
my body is becoming a part of me.
No longer a hostage to society’s need
for delusions of niceness.
And my body.
Millimeter by millimeter.
Not with pressure and will power.
With confidence and permission.
Confidence in Resistance.
Permission to be aware of Resistance.
Resistance knows that I notice.
And relaxes.
A little.
I began to allow my fear of death to surface.
Allow the thoughts and fears that Resistance hides
in my many millimeters of body tissue.
Allow the tiny, frail reactions that fear has hidden.
Millimeter by millimeter,
three millimeters forwards and two back,
my body is becoming a part of me.
No longer a hostage to society’s need
for delusions of niceness.
MAY
And now my body shows that it is ready for change.
It notices dust and mess.
It begins to clean and declutter.
A little.
It is restless.
It wants to move.
A little.
We have been here before, Body and I,
and this time we agree.
It is time to move into doing mode.
Little by little.
Move into my house and my health.
Little by little.
This time I will do it differently.
Follow Body into doing mode.
No plans, no objectives.
Trust my Body.
See which paths my Body takes
into my house and my health.
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